Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Chapter 1 - The Journey
He wiped the sweat off his brow. The backpack was heavy. He turned around and looked below. He could see the maze of steps only till the clouds. He looked at his hands. They had become blue in the cold. He used them to wipe the blood coming out of his nose. He knew it was not going to be easy; he took a deep breath and continued his climb. He had to find the answer and there was only one person who could help him.
The steps narrowed as he continued his climb around the peak. He had been at it for two days now. Finally, when the steps gave way to plain ground, he collapsed. He could not move his legs anymore. He crawled for what seemed like an eternity and he made his way through an arch from where a passage way began. He could see the statue now, and the outline of a hut beyond it. He dug into his reserves, picked himself up and stumbled closer to his destination. He stopped when he saw him. There was no point in being covert. His presence was already known.
He knelt down in respect, and called out “Master”
“You dare disturb me from my meditation, you insolent fool!” the master’s voice bellowed. He looked at the person kneeling in front of him. “The last person who disturbed me died right there, where you are kneeling. State your name and purpose here, so I know who I killed!”
The protagonist gathered himself “Master, I come from where the sun sets. I have journeyed long and hard, faced immense hardships and now I prostrate before you so I can become your pupil and learn the ancient art of Ninjutsoo.” He raised his head and showed his face to his Master – Pai Mei.
Pai Mei’s eyes were closed. “Your Cantonese is horrible. You cannot be taught. You will die before you can master Ninjutsoo. Go back before I gauge your eyes out.”
“No, Master Pai Mei. Give me a chance to prove my worth to you. If I fail, I will kill myself.”
Pai Mei opened his eyes, looked at the face of the person kneeling in front of him. His deep gaze saw through his eyes and into his mind. “You are determined, but you are a fool. Get up, so I can see how pathetic you really are. Answer my three questions and I will become your master. If you can’t...” the master let out a long hollow laugh.
“I won’t disappoint you, Master.”
Next chapter - The Three Questions
Saturday, November 15, 2008
by BD who feels he should not be taken seriously
March 27, 2007
After considerable analytical thinking, the BCCI president, Mr Sharad Pawar has come up with a plan to come up with a master plan to curb India's downfall in world cricket.
After being questioned on what the parent plan is, the BCCI president read out a prepared statement- " No ,I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."
However he did let it slip through that Indian team would be divided into 2 - India Blue and India Senior. Mr Pawar has ofcourse the distinction of having the highest score of 22 not out in 122 matches in the neigbourhood gulli ka cricket. Mr Pawar, an avid pani puri lover not only because of the resemblance in shape, also let it slip that there was to be a tie up with the top producers in the porn industry - Vivid Videos. "Hence the tags- BLUE & SENIOR " Mr Pawar explained with a sly smile. It was obvious that it was he who came up with the names."
The coach of the senior team will be none other than Dilip Vengsarkar while the blue team will be coached by Saurav Ganguly, " he explained.
Dilip Vengsarkar had ofcourse proved he is quite capable of the task when he showed no qualms in exposing his white haired nipples to the world when India managed a draw from the point of certain victory back in South Africa.
Saurav ganguly had proved his mettle earlier when he let out a mating call to Andrew Flintoff,in England, who reciprocated when he came to India and both had an intense passionate night at BrokemyBack mountain.
The players are reported to be excited with this tie up.
"Now everyone can know why I am called the Little Master," a senior player quoted.
Ex-Indian captain Dravid solemnly said-"I take full responsibility of the loss,crashing the hopes of a billion, but we must move on, we must look forward" before adding with a cunning smile- "There are holes in my wall too."
Indian wicketkeeper MS Dhoni commented that he was waiting for a green signal from his god, Fido Dido, to make a commitment.But he did say he was excited to work with the likes of Jenna Jameson and co.
"Unhorny ban gaya horny,horny ban gaya dhoni."
Kerala super fast bowler S Sreeshanth was last seen practising talking to his privates,in full expectations, asking it to cool down, by motion of his hands.
Virender Sehwag was not able to get out of bedroom for comments because he was grounded. Sehwag ki Maa also added that it was unlikely he renew his contract.
Owner of Vivid Vidos, Paul Hirsch made a public statement, that this partnership would definitely move them forward in the business, and then back, and then forward, and then back, obviously sharing a very very poor joke.
He said he was excited to work with team India- Blue & Senior, but he was more excited with the aquiring of Mandira Bedi. "Now that is 1 girl the whole world wants shut up, I think it will be quite a challenge," Mr Hirsch commented.
Good Luck Mr Hirsch. Even Charu Sharma's head was not enough.
ps - this was written a long time ago. check date.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Uh oh! Another girl! Now, what was her name? Christina, was it? Or was it Chrisann? Damn! She has recognized me. She is smiling and walking towards me. I look to my right and my left. Maybe, just maybe, she just will just walk by me and I won’t end up making a fool of myself.
She is 10 feet away. I am prepared to give her one of my fake recognition smile. Maybe it won’t be so bad. I could steer the conversation away from her name, talk about the weather, kill time and wait for Panda to come and save my ass, again.
It gets worse. She is positively happy after seeing me and has broken into a run to greet me.
Now my mind starts thinking. Smile or a handshake? Handshake or a smile? Maybe both, I finally decide.
I could have never predicted what was to happen next. She stopped right next to me, brushed her cheeks against mine, made a ‘mwah’ sound and gave the air next to my ear a hard on.
My advice to fellow friends
- Take your stomach in
- Ensure chest avoids all possible contact with breasts(or vice versa)
- Decide where hands should be kept, on her back or on her waist. Never, never leave your hands on either side.
- Don’t breathe, unless of course you want your nose to be flooded with the latest in ladies perfume
Panda did save my ass, eventually. He walked up, and she introduced herself. Dodged that bullet.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
“I don’t think we have been formally introduced….
The title’s got nothing to do with the post, but just shows I love Austinpowers.
Austin: I can guess, baby.
Ivana: We play chess.
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Hi, I am Bad Dog and I am drunk. This blog was born yesterday, in my mind. You see, I had a dream, an epiphany. This blog is the culmination of that. Unfortunately, the epiphany did not last long; it ended with my friends and the waiters dragging me off the bathroom floor.
So now, I don’t know how to continue.
Good luck BD!